Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The First Step

It's all there for the eyes that can see
The blind ones will always suffer in secrecy
I have now completed the first step in order to become happy with myself. I've let the one person that held me back the most, go.
This requires some back story though. I've always been afraid of being lonely, and I was even more shy when I was younger. That's when I met her. Someone who actually liked me? I could barely believe it. Only issue, she lived halfway around the world.

I was still naive enough to believe that it could work. We were officially "dating" for a few months, and then she broke my heart. Now, the wise thing to do would be, letting go, of course? No, I stuck around. Why? Because I still wanted her, she was the only one who showed me any affection, and in the end, after she got rid of her 'new' boyfriend, she came back to me, and I was there waiting.

Now, this was repeated. Over, and over. For years. I can't say I blame her that much, because it really mostly is my fault for letting myself be manipulated. I was happy with any affection I could get, but the hurt was the worst.

In the end, just a few days ago, I had enough. She had met yet another guy, and I confronted her, finally. If you want to keep me around as anything more than a friend, then you better realize that I can't stand what you do. If you want me as just a friend, then tell me.

And of course, she had no real answer. She wanted me as both just a friend, in order to get freedom with other guys, and as something closer, to be able to talk to me about any issues she had, as I always listened.

So I decided to stop this, and avoid talking to her anymore, at least until I can make sure I think of her as nothing more than a friend, for the first time ever.


This, is my first, real, victory. As well as the first step to becoming something better and maybe meet someone who actually cares for me.
And I'd like to encourage anyone who might be reading, and are in the same situation, to take action. It will hurt at first, but in the end, you will feel better.

Thank you for your time.

- The Apprentice

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